(Read 1 Corinthians 5, Matthew 18:15-17, Matthew 5:23-24, Galatians 6:1-2, Matthew 5:9, Philippians 4:1-3, Ephesians 4:26-27)
Conflict and disputes are something that we will all go through at some point in our lives as Christians. It is so important in those moments that we learn to know how to resolve those conflicts in a godly way, according to the scriptures, so that we are not left with any bitterness or anger towards one another and so that we are able to reconcile to maintain unity in the body of Christ, for the glory of Jesus!!
Let’s take a look at what the word of God says about this process of reconciliation in resolving conflict!
1.WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO RECONCILE WITH OTHERS:
(Read Matthew 5:23-24, Mark 11:25) Because this impacts our relationship with God!! (This could also be why Paul pleaded for Euodia and Syntyche to reconcile with each other in Philippians 4:1-3)!
2.WHEN SHOULD WE RECONCILE WITH OTHERS?
In Matthew 5:23-24, notice the urgency with which Jesus said to reconcile? He said leave your gift at the alter and first be reconciled to your brother, then offer your gift to God!! In Ephesians 4:26-27, we are told to reconcile as soon as possible (and not hold on to anger) before the sun goes down and the day ends, otherwise we are giving the enemy satan a foothold! IT IS BEST TO TRY AND RECONCILE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!
3.HOW DO WE GO ABOUT RECONCILING?
In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus gives us the process to go about reconciling with those who have sinned. Firstly it involves going DIRECTLY to the person who has hurt you and sharing with them. (THIS HELPS AVOID GOSSIP as so often instead of going directly to the person who has hurt us, we tend to gossip to others about the situation and it causes others to now look down upon that person who had done them no harm in the first place!)
Secondly, if they are unwilling to take on board our one-on-one correction, we are then called to bring along 1-2 witnesses (usually church elders who are full of The Holy Spirit and wisdom- Acts 6:1-3, 1 Corinthians 6:1-5) to be able to sort out this sin or dispute.
Finally, if they still won’t accept the correction, then it is to be brought to the church, and if they still won’t listen before the church, then unfortunately the relationship might have to be cut off (treat them like a pagan or tax collector, asking them to leave the church) but this should always be done in prayerful hope that they will repent so that reconciliation can occur down the track.
This will also involve asking the Holy Spirit to give His courage, love and help for us to FORGIVE others as the Lord has forgiven us!! (Read Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:12-13) In Hebrews 10:17 we are told that when God forgives us, He REMEMBERS OUR SINS NO MORE! In 1 Corinthians 13:5 we are told that love KEEPS NO RECORDS OF WRONGS! This is something supernatural that only The Holy Spirit can do in our hearts!!
It is also important to note from Matthew 18:15-22, that forgiveness comes within the context of correction (since those two passages are one after the other)! In other words, forgiving a person doesn’t mean in any way that we let them continue doing the wrong thing against us. We are to still take them through the process of correction as our saviour Jesus pointed out in Matthew 18:15-17 and if necessary, cut the friendship off. But doing so should always come within the context of forgiving them and holding no anger or hard feelings against them, such that if you were to see them on the streets or at an event, there would be no bitterness towards them but rather a love to see them restored- the same love our saviour Jesus has for us!!
Also, based on 2 Timothy 3:16-17 it is important to remember that any correction should come FROM THE WORD OF GOD and not man’s opinions!!
4.WITH WHAT ATTITUDE SHOULD WE APPROACH RECONCILIATION?
According to Galatians 6:1, we should approach correction with GENTLENESS and with the aim of RESTORATION, not condemnation. (See also 2 Timothy 2:25-26)
5.And off-course, most importantly, we should BE WILLING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR MISTAKES and BE READY TO APOLOGISE! In Genesis 3:9-13 after man had sinned against God, notice that when Adam was confronted by our Heavenly Father in the garden of Eden, instead of taking ownership of his mistake, he passed on the blame to Eve saying “The woman you put here with me-she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” (Genesis 3:12)
We also see Eve do the same thing and PASS ON THE BLAME to the serpent!! So often we too when confronted, can be tempted to try and “justify our actions” and “pass on the blame” instead of taking the responsibility for our sins and simply asking for forgiveness!! In Acts 23:1-5 the apostle Paul in effect apologised when he had spoken against the high priest unknowingly. We see him admit his mistake in Acts 23:5! We should be willing to do the same!!
A PRACTICAL TIP:
According to James 1:19, when the initial conflict occurs, sometimes the best thing to do is NOT SPEAK IN ANGER IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT (because chances are we will say something in anger that we will regret and can’t take back), but rather go away for 10-15 minutes and calm down with the Lord by sharing your frustrations to Him in prayer. Then come back (before the sun goes down-so that you don’t give the devil a foot Hold- Ephesians 4:26-27) a bit later so that by then you will have CALMED DOWN and will be in a better frame of mind to be able to reconcile. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
May Jesus flood our hearts with His love (John 13:34) to be able to forgive and reconcile with one another!!
God bless!
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